Post-finals

My last several months and weeks have been filled with adventure, as is usual in my life. It has culminate in finals last week. This term for me has included (in chronological order) swine flu, trying to make pottery, food poisoning, dissecting a kidney, east coast trip, pneumonia, and finals (and these are just the highlights). Unfortunately my term hasn't included much blogging, but I hope to remedy that now that school is over.

The last week has been interesting. I finished school, and did well (which was actually a little surprising, it wasn't an easy term). I canceled a party at my house friday night because of freezing rain, I got a tragic pool playing injury (it's better now, but my finger really hurt for like a day), rescheduled my party for last night (fun and food with a few friends). I've had two clients vomit in front of me since saturday, and tonight I got news from nursing school.

I've been preparing myself for the worst for a few weeks, but it still feel really horrible. I know that last spring I got my hopes up too much about nursing school and subsequently crashed into the most difficult 6 months of my life. I did not want to repeat that. But once I found my inspiration again, remembered my desire to pursue nursing, it's only natural that I got excited. And I'm now equally disappointed that I did not get in.

I have an abundance of feelings right now. Why wasn't I good enough? Why should I keep trying? Was I just arrogant to think it was even possible to get into Johns Hopkins? I thought that getting into nursing school would fix how stuck I feel in my life. Stuck in Eugene, stuck at a job that I've outgrown, and stuck away from my family. But without the "quick fix" of my ready plan, my plan to escape all of this, I suppose I have to face myself and how I feel about my current state of life.

I guess I just have to face a bunch more uncertainty. I guess I won't be leaving Eugene in 2 months like I had despirately hoped. I guess I don't know where/if I will get into a nursing program. I guess it's probably OK to not know these things, although it feels pretty aweful right now.