change change change

This title is not a reference to popular song lyrics or the constant request that I get from friendly veterans on the corner of 8th and Washington (or almost any other Eugene corner, for that matter). Not, it is more a reference to my life right now. There is a lot going on.

I've settled in to the idea that I'm not moving next year and I'm not going to nursing school for the indefinite future. So what better to do in Eugene than get a new job and a new apartment?

Dad and I are moving into a little townhouse closer to Eugene. It is absolutely adorable and most definitely ours, provided neither of us has a criminal history. I'll post pictures when we've moved.

Much like my brother, I did not realize that we were moving until two days ago. And yet here I sit amidst all my belongings in boxes ready to leave either for Boise or the new apartment. Much thanks to my devoted Jessica for her help the last two days.

But I know that what you are all truely interested in is the new job. I have accepted a position at an elder care facility for folks with dementia. The company is a very nice, beautiful campus with about 9 houses, each of which has 11 residents. My job will be the Resident Manager of the Birch house. This means that I'm in charge of working with the families, medical team, and the reast of my team to take care of my 11 residents, as well as supervising my staff.

This job is a phenomenal opportunity for my career. It offers a lot of responsibility and new areas for me to grow. The company that I'm working for is amazing, and I know that they will offer all of the education, training, and support that I need. I will be working a normal 7-3:30 day, monday-friday. This means that I will have time in the evenings and weekends to join a knitting club, book group, take gymnastics, piano and karate. I'm also going to cook wonderful dinners, have friends over, take road trips, and learn to garden. Ambitious, you say? Maybe. But I'll sure try.

I am truely heartbroken at leaving Rain Rock. I will continue to work weekends for about the next 6 weeks to give me and Rain Rock the opportunity to adjust. I love what I do, and I love my girls and my coworkers more than anything. I have felt a heaviness for days, but as I get more excited about my new job and get used to all of these changes it gets better.

Change does not often sit well with me. I am very excited about my future, but right now I'm in that uncertain in-between. I suppose it's necessary to go through this place in order to get where I'm going.

A True Story

In a far off country, on a hillside, under the shade of the trees, within a cottage there was a child. She was a beautiful girl with deep brown hair and eyelashes that made everyone jealous. Growing up in the shade of her cottage the beautiful girl was happy. But as she got older she realized that this home was her parents, and she needed to find her own home.

The beautiful girl set out to find her new safe home, but she did not have the skills and tools to navigate the mountains, rivers, and meadows. She used only fear and confusion to guide her, and quickly she became hopelessly lost. For a long time the beautiful girl was so excited to be on an adventure that she did not realize how lost and scared she was. She knew only the dark forests and foreboding mountains around her, and she forgot all about the happy, safe home that she was looking for.

One day, as the beautiful girl pondered how to find her happy home, she met a gypsy child.

"Are you lost?" Asked the gypsy child.

"I am hopelessly lost." Said the beautiful girl.

"Would you like to find the place that you are looking for?" The gypsy child inquired.

"Very much so. Can you show me a happy home for me to live in?"

"I cannot show you your home. Only you have the intuition to find your home. But I can help you find your intuition."

So the gypsy child brought her back to the gypsy people. The beautiful girl lived with them for many months, learning how to follow her heart and her intuition instead of fear and confusion. At first she could not hear the voice of her heart. But finally she learned to separate her fear from her true intuition. It was her habit to listen to fear, and that came very naturally, but she knew that only her heart could guide her to a true, safe home.

Finally it was time for the beautiful girl to leave and find her home. As much as she loved the gypsy people, their home was not right for her. Before she left on her journey the gypsy child took the beautiful girl to the river to look at the stars. She gave her friend courage and confidence, because she knew that her path would be difficult. For every shooting star that she saw the gypsy child wished safety and happiness on her friend. The beautiful girl was prepared for her quest.

The rest of the story is quite simple. The beautiful girl left the gypsy people with enough food and water to stay healthy and strong. Usually she followed her intuition and her heart, but sometimes, when things were very hard for her, she followed her fear. Those were the moments of truth, because it took strength to put aside her fear and follow her heart. It took her a little while, but eventually the beautiful girl found her home. It was a wonderful haven with sunshine in the mountains and a bay to the ocean. The beautiful girl was safe, and had enough food that she did not go hungry. When she looked into the harbor and saw her reflection, the girl saw how lovely her face was and how safe her heart was, and she realized that she was happy.

A little about my personality

My family will attest to the fact that I am a very active person.  Whether it's threatening to built a submarine at age 10 or building a motorcycle at age 19, I'm always doing something.  I think that this is how I deal with life, by just filling my time with projects and activities.  

This active personality has driven me to situations where I can have a serious impact on people.  It started when I was 9 and saved a cousin from drowning, and from there I became a lifeguard, ski patroller, and EMT.  I've always been able to save people.  

But I am learning that I cannot always save people.  This week I have been faced with this ugly truth.  When someone is drowning and I swim to them with a rescue tube, they do not push me away and say "I'm fine, I don't need your help."  But real life is not so easy or clear as the lifeguard analogy.  

  

I have painfully been learning this lesson this week.  I have been faced with a friend who needs love and support, but who does not have the humility to admit that she is struggling.  I go to her with open arms, offering her my help, only to have her blatantly deny that she needs encouragement.

  

When I see pain, I want to fix it.  This is not some great virtue or blessing, it is simply a part of my personality.  What I have not learned is that I cannot fix most things; I can only offer support and love.  The virtues that I must learn are to have the humility and faith to know that I cannot fix the pain in the world but God can.